Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
