Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You made me cry and you don't even care
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
is wine microwaveable?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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