all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I had to cum in my sink.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
