the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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