Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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