I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
