whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
