I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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