this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
please don't ironically join a cult
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