Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
