Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
