you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
