carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
