it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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