it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
