I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
