A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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