Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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