Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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