The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
