Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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