Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
