dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
