at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
