Small penises have feelings too.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All the doctor said was why
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
