Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
