My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
