I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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