If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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