John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
