in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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