I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
