Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
