The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
