I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
