i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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