What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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