First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
