Will you blow on my dice?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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