This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Come share oat with me in your robe
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
