the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
