he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
