I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
