So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
