I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
