i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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