I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
