just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
