Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
