He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
